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Rabbits CSI


I recently had a chat with my next-door neighbour, who had found a dead fox in his garden. Apparently it was his to deal with him. No one from the council had come round to dispose of it, for it was on his property. What if there was some John-Wick style of assassination here? There were no police-tape cordons. There are no mustard-gas still eliminations; definitely no myxomatosis.

Why is there one rule for Humans and another for animals? Admittedly there are probably few rabbit-rabbit killings. There are no racist crimes, for there has been no Martin-Luther Kings. And although there are some albino rabbits, I do not know if there are colour-blind types. I do not know either if they have fingerprints unique to themselves. Would it even matter if we could make their DNA profiles in each criminal-based activity? Maybe this is why most rabbits live underground. There are definitely too few detective and inspectors that examine the crime-scenes of rabbit deaths or murders. But because they have so many children it doesn’t mean they will be going extinct. Maybe this is God’s plan, for rabbits are excellent pets. As long as you don’t feed them lettuce – for lettuce is as addictive and bad for them as cocaine – rabbits will only nibble your table-leg at random intervals. Long live rabbits!

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