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K - O






Why are Kebabs so good when you’re drunk?  I’m impressed even with the beast which died in perfectly the right shape for the spit.  And the hair clippers used to slice it up?  Excellent use of them.  I didn’t know they were that versatile. 


Keks and Khakis:

Underwear or battle camouflage?  These words are most used in the Daily Star, where they are copiously removed.  If being naked is camouflage enough then these items if clothing are therefore rendered worthless.


Was there a Mr. Kelloggs?  If so he was named correctly, for it definitely sounds like cereal.  If he was a baker would we be eating bread called Snap, Crackle and Pop?  Now their cereals have more vitamins and minerals than a dedicated tablet and include cereals with chocolate in meaning that you can eat chocolate in another way, and for every meal of the day.


This is a new sort of fish, genetically enhanced through the wonder of nature (and not mad scientists) which can survive vast quantities of pollution.  Only insects and weeds it seems can evolve quickly enough to make this evolutionary jump.  And pathogens too.  Which is why we carry on dying from new diseases.  Unfortunately this means the animals we care about can’t evolve fast enough and may well go the way of the dodo.



Were these men old time versions of Judge Dredd?  I think they took law into their own hands.  And shot people for it.  They of course comprise sheriffs and gendarmes, possibly even mongol chieftains.  These men of law took religion seriously.  Seriously enough to arrest Jews on a regular basis.


Larb is a type of meat salad, but that doesn’t mean you should eat it.  It depends on what sort of diet you’re on, and if you’re living in Laos then you may well eat it.  If you’re somewhere else, you probably haven’t heard of it and it probably won’t be on the menu.  There aren’t that many Laotian restaurants.  And if it is you may not want to eat it.  I wonder if Larb is full of Carbs.

It first came from the Lanna Kingdom, the ‘Kingdom of a Million Rice Fields.’  I don’t think you’d go hungry there.  Unless you had a rice allergy.


A wonderful invention, for constipation can be really quite painful.  And as a prank tool it is up there with fake dog turds and whoopee cushions.  Indeed, giving some laxatives to a dog can provide you with real life dog turds that would give your pranks a more genuine feel.



Does it really attract women?  Or do pheromones work better?  This is a question the big deodorant companies don’t want you to ask or invest money into its research.  Bailiffs and bounty hunters would visit you I think.


Little Chef:

If chefs really were little, this would either be a terrible injustice for anti tall people discrimination, or a problem for the restaurant as they would not find it easy to reach the top shelves.  I think this may be the reason the chain is failing.  Heston Blumenthal did make sure they painted their ceilings correctly but this does not mean people will want to eat there.




Christian Mass – when people stay up late and drink the lord’s blood (vimto) and eat his flesh (a cracker) may be called that, because in the past the mass of people would do it.  Community was stronger then, and so religion. There were more things to pray about for instance – like your cows dying strangely in the fields.  It brought people together and obedience to this and to the Lord was paramount in those days.  Or perhaps mass is an appropriate word because it is profound.  Whatever the case, the mass of the people aren’t doing it anymore.


You know M&Ms?  Why are they all in different colours?  Is it for the Colour Blind who then feel good about themselves because it doesn’t matter if they don’t know which colour is which?  They’re all brown and chocolate inside.

Is it a coincidence that Marshall Mathers calls himself Eminem and isn’t an endorsement of the chocolate treats?

And there aren’t any black ones.  Is this mildly racist?  No. There are no white ones either.



You know marbles?  Why and what were they invented for?  Just to flick across a small circle to hit other marbles?  Surely not.  This is a poor excuse for a child’s toy.  Compared to X Box and Playstation, the kids of the past really were both living in the past and made to suffer from terrible toys.

These hard put kids probably enjoyed it at the time, but nowadays it would be considered a complete waste of time.  What did it teach compare with Grand Theft Auto?




Is this an insult?  If called this does it mean you’re thick or clever?  If you only had one neuron you really should be insulted.  But its doubtful you would be able to understand this.  Counting the number of neurons would be clever though, and would likely put you to sleep.  Either that or kill you.


If you were a neuron, you may get on someone’s nerves.  Getting on someone’s nerves albeit fun (if you don’t like them) could be done more often by calling them names rather than actually sitting on them.  There are so many nerves in the human body that getting on them would not require a degree in Kung Fu.  You could touch them wherever you wanted. 




Otherwise known as Ladies’ Fingers.  A real lady with fingers would not take it standing up if you shook their hands and then called them green vegetables.  Chopping them off and cooking them would be even more undesirable.


Omnipotence and Omniscience:

God is both of these.  If you count all the Hindu gods though and you’ve got a lot of power and knowledge going on.  Would they fight and argue all the time?  Probably.  But their fights would never be won and their arguments never solved.  They would both know the truth of things and would end up just agreeing with each other rather loudly.


There is a woman on a hip-hop record called Olivia.  If you search for this woman without knowing her surname, you get a wide variety of women called Olivia, which I suppose is not altogether surprising.  There is even a woman with two faces that pops up.  Why do we all have the same names as each other?  Why are there not more names, unique to us all?  Someone has been lazy.

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